


Thanks Dickhead

by TheMutantHonk



Series: Febuwhump2021 [1]
Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Batfamily (DCU), Broken Bones, FebuWhump2021, Humor, Hurt Dick Grayson, no beta we die like robins
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-16
Updated: 2021-02-16
Packaged: 2021-03-18 21:02:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 880
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29496258
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheMutantHonk/pseuds/TheMutantHonk
Summary: Day 16 - Broken BonesThe chandelier no longer supports Dick like it used to.
Series: Febuwhump2021 [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2168589
Comments: 10
Kudos: 112
Collections: febuwhump 2021





	Thanks Dickhead

**Author's Note:**

> Very very very minor whump, considering what I'm usually partial too. In fact, it's less focused on the actual whump and more about the teasing it spawns.
> 
> Seeing as this is the first thing I've posted in years, it's my first piece in this fandom, and it was written in about thirty minutes on my phone, I read and re-read this eight times (not an exaggeration) before saying F it and slapped it on here. I looked over the febuwhump prompts for kicks and giggles, and this kind of fell together. Also here's a friendly PSA that the author cherry picks canon, and this is hardly meant to be taken seriously. Maybe I'll fix stuff up later, who knows. I sure don't.
> 
> Edited about as well as multiple rereads in half an hour can get you.

A snorted guffaw met Dick's ears, making him wince more than the sharp fire that burst from his ankle as he took another quick, cautionary step. He groaned, ears practically disappearing beneath his shoulders as he managed to hunch in on himself and lean into Jason's side at the same time. “Just drop me off a building,” he grumbled quietly, ignoring the way his brother shook with laughter as he helped him to the couch. 

“Tim already told me,” Stephanie interrupted before Jason could remark. Of course Tim did. The traitor. She looked absolutely gleeful as she pushed her things aside, making room on the couch for Jason to dump Dick in place, though she made no further intention to move, forcing them to prop the injured foot up on her lap while they waited. “I want to say I can't believe it, but. Well.” She punctuated her statement with a shrug, gesturing at basically all of Dick as she continued to grin at the boys. 

“Please,” Dick sighed as he settled, Jason easing him against the arm of the couch, “and I mean this in the nicest way possible, don't talk to me right now.” 

“Wow. Rude.” 

“You say that as if there's literally any nice way to say that, Dickhead.”

“Yeah, that's no way to talk to your footrest, is it?” 

“Why are the two of you even here?” Dick ignored the banter, rightly in a sour mood for the moment. He gestured to her bag and the notebooks and pens that ended up scattered. “Don't you have, I don't know, essays to write and drug dealers to kneecap?” That last was said with an eye on the holster at Jason's thigh. Empty at the moment, upon Alfred’s request when he was in the manor. Jason could never say no to him.

“Cookies,” they both answered in unison. Of course. To be fair, few things beat Alfred's cookies.

“Speaking of, Alfred is gonna have a brick when he sees the chandelier.” 

That prompted another groan from Dick, his head falling back against and over the armrest of the couch, hanging upside down. “Someone kill me now, please.”

“Nah. Track record this family has, you'll just come back. Be a wasted effort on my part.” 

“Aww!” Stephanie clasped her hands together, surprisingly careful not to jostle his injury despite her faux excitement. “Did you hear that? Jason just called us a family!” 

“Dreams do come true.” That was drawled with the dryest tone Dick could manage. 

“Someone's bitchy.” 

Jason was saved from Dick's next snark by a snickering at the doorway, drawing all their eyes to see Bruce frowning at the group. Tim grinned, phone in one hand and an ice pack in the other as he slipped past to enter the room. Bruce looked...mostly confused, and annoyed, though it warred with concern as he took in his eldest, face upside down as he peeked one blue eye open to look at them. His expression was carefully neutral, that alone giving away how much pain he was likely in. Nothing escaped Batman's notice, nor that of an exasperated-but-concerned father. 

“What's this I hear about chandeliers and a traumatized Great Dane?” 

“Oh no! Is Titus alright?” Stephanie frowned, playfully smacking Dick's thigh, on the uninjured leg thankfully. “That poor thing. I thought I heard a distressed yelp. Jerk.”

“That poor thing is the reason I misjudged my landing when the damn thing broke!” He winced as Tim settled the ice pack on the worst of the swelling, finally setting his phone in his lap to examine it alongside Bruce. It earned him a look full of daggers that went ignored.

“I'm sure it had nothing to do with the fact that you're a hundred pounds heavier than the last time you took to the ceiling,” Bruce commented, his tone as dry as Dick's a moment before, sighing the long-suffering sigh only a father of multiple teenagers and young adults knows. 

“A hundred pounds of muscle, thanks.” 

“Muscle and a fat head, Goldie.”

“Can no one give the injured man a break?” 

“You already gave yourself one,” Tim interjected helpfully, finally looking up from where he was looking over Dick's ankle. 

“I cannot believe you spend your nights beating up criminals and parkouring all over the city, but you broke your ankle in your own living room. Dick Grayson, everyone!” Stephanie gave a slow clap above his feet, rolling her eyes to the ceiling.

“Technically, it was the entryway, not the living room.” 

“So who's gonna tell the Demon Brat that Dick almost killed his dog showing off when Alfred brings him home?” Tim took the chance to snap a picture as he asked, looking all too pleased with the obvious suffering. Dick only groaned, throwing his arm over his face. 

“Titus is fine. He was barely even startled. I landed easily ten feet away from him.” 

“I would be more concerned about Alfred seeing the chandelier. Again.” Bruce’s mouth twitched against a smile as he ran his fingers through Dick's hair, before straightening up to retrieve supplies for his ankle. “In the meantime, I expect everyone to report to the cave this weekend. It would seem of you need refreshing on how to salvage a miscalculated landing.” 

“Thanks, Dickhead.”


End file.
